% A little pain never hurt anyone. % "A unified, neutral Germany? Given that nation's heritage, such a phrase may prove to be the oxymoron of the decade." -Kevin M. Matarese, Fulda, West Germany; as seen in "Letters", Time magazine, p. 5, March 5, 1990. % A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. Include me out. -Samuel Goldwyn % Christ was born in 4 B.C. % Cum tacent, clamant. When they are silent, they shout. -Cicero % Gentlemen, I want you to know that I am not always right, but I am never wrong. -Samuel Goldwyn % Goes (Went) over like a lead balloon. % Honk if you are against noise pollution! % I'll give you a definite maybe. -Samuel Goldwyn % I'm not going to say, "I told you so." % I am a deeply superficial person. -Andy Warhol % I'm proud of my humility. % I can resist everything except temptation. -Oscar Wilde % If Roosevelt were alive, he'd turn over in his grave. -Samuel Goldwyn % If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -Samuel Goldwyn % If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me. -Samuel Goldwyn % I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them five years. -Samuel Goldwyn % It isn't an optical illusion. It just looks like one. % It's more than magnificent-it's mediocre. -Samuel Goldwyn % May I ask a question? % No one goes to that restaurant anymore-it's always too crowded. (attributed to Yogi Berra) % Our comedies are not to be laughed at. -Samuel Goldwyn % Parting is such sweet sorrow. -William Shakespeare % Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. % "Professional certification for car people may sound like an oxymoron." -The Wall Street Journal, page B1, Tuesday, July 17, 1990. % Referring to a book: I read part of it all the way through. -Samuel Goldwyn % Smoking is the leading cause of statistics. % Some bachelors want a meaningful overnight relationship. % Talking about a piece of movie dialogue: Let's have some new cliches. -Samuel Goldwyn % The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying. -Samuel Goldwyn % Thank God I'm an atheist. % This report is filled with omissions. % We are not anticipating any emergencies. % We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. -Samuel Goldwyn % His honour rooted in dishonour stood, And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true. -Alfred Lord Tennyson % The good oxymoron, to define it by a self-illustration, must be a planned inadvertency. -Wilson Follett % An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting. % I marvel at the strength of human weakness. % Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. -Irene Peter % Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. -Josh Billings % Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them. -Anthony Haden-Guest % The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -W.C. Fields % I distinctly remember forgetting that. -Clara Barton % We must believe in free will. We have no choice. -Isaac B. Singer % I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. % Monotheism is a gift from the gods. % After they got rid of capital punishment, they had to hang twice as many people as before. % I never liked you, and I always will. -Samuel Goldwyn % Why don't you pair `em up in threes? -Yogi Berra % Our similarities are different. -Dale Berra, son of Yogi % After Donald Trump's stretch limousine was stolen and found undamaged a few blocks away; he said, "Nothing was stolen. I had an honest thief."-International Herald Tribune, page 3, March 2, 1992 % Some bird populations soaring down -Headline of an article in Science News, page 126, February 20, 1993. % Most bacteria have the decency to be microscopic. Epulopiscium fishelsoni is not among them. The newly identified one-celled macro-microorganism is a full .5 mm long, large enough to be seen with the naked eye. Described in the current Nature, "It is a million times as massive as a typical bacterium."-Time, page 25, March 29, 1993 % "Triumph without Victory, The Unreported History of the Persian Gulf War", -Headline published in the U.S. News & World Report, 1992. % An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out. -Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist % She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on. -Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist % The first condition of immortality is death. -Stanislaw Lec % As famous as the unknown soldier. % I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? -Benjamin Disraeli % Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. -George Bernard Shaw % William Safire's rules for writing as seen in the New York Times Do not put statements in the negative form. And don't start sentences with a conjunction. If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration. Last, but not least, avoid cliche's like the plague. % Everyone writes on the walls except me. -Said to be graffiti seen in Pompeii % I tripped over a hole that was sticking up out of the ground. % I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -Samuel Goldwyn % This page intentionally left blank. % Evil isn't all bad. % I disagree with unanimity. % "It's a step forward although there was no progress." President Hosni Murbarak of Egypt attempting to put the best face on a disappointing summit meeting between President Clinton and the Syrian dictator Hafez Assad. % "I always avoid prophesying beforehand because it is much better to prophesy after the event has already taken place. " - Winston Churchill % All truths are true to an extend, including this one. -XA % Assume a virtue, if you have it not. -William Shakespeare % All generalisations are dangerous, including this one.